Penguin Suits

The penguin suit. Who the hell dreamed this up? I have three functions in the next fortnight where I'll be dressed up like a tailors dummy and there'll be 200 others identical, all of us feeling uncomfortable except for the odd poser who thinks he's Richard Gere. This attire should be outlawed. Ask most chaps and they'll agree. Women are at liberty to wear all the colours in the rainbow while we're in black apart from the occasional goon in a purple sash or red dickie bow. Ban the bomb, ban personalised number plates and ban the dinner suit.